Sandi's 2018 Miserly Minimal Expense Journal

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SandiSAHM
Posts: 2260
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:46 am
Location: Oklahoma

Re: Sandi's 2018 Miserly Minimal Expense Journal

Post by SandiSAHM »

Well, my mother is being a petulant vindictive child again. She didn't get her way about something and even from 1600+ miles away she's 'punishing' me about it. This full-on nonsense has only been happening for less than 7 years, since my Dad died. She used to take everything out on him but now, only child, lucky me, I get the brunt of all of it. Worse thing is she brings things on herself and then doesn't see her own part in it. It's not an age thing, she's been like that since I can remember.

Yesterday was a no-spend day so I'm at... 3. Out of 18. 16.6%

I'll probably get a few groceries tomorrow. Hopefully Tuesday will be an at-home only day
alliesmama4
Posts: 8591
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:10 pm
Location: Southern IL

Re: Sandi's 2018 Miserly Minimal Expense Journal

Post by alliesmama4 »

Sandi I can sympathize with you about your Mother. My Mom was the same way.. She ran around stomping on people's toes and when they would react she could not understand why.. I have siblings but I had the most contact with her due to being single and living close enough to see her more often.I use to sit in my car, in her driveway, and pray that she would not start anything when I went in.. Sad to say my prayers were not answered that often..((hug)).. Janet Alliesmama
Janet Alliesmama
SandiSAHM
Posts: 2260
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:46 am
Location: Oklahoma

Re: Sandi's 2018 Miserly Minimal Expense Journal

Post by SandiSAHM »

She goes through a cycle where she offers something, no strings attached, but you'd be a total fool to take it, because there ARE MOST DEFINITELY STRINGS. "But you can use it!" Yeah, but it's not worth the 'cost' even when it's 'free.' Boy that makes her mad, because if I won't take anything, she has no leverage.

She also has this thing where she goes home (Europe) once a year. HAS TO BE SEPTEMBER. Why? Weather. Any later it's too cold, any sooner there might be a heatwave (no air conditioning in Normandy), and even after 40+ years in the oven that NC summers can be, she'll melt in a French heatwave.

All well and fine, but she also wants to come here, to see my kids. June or July, Mom. "No, April." No, June, July, or August. She wants a minimum of 2 wks stay. Do you know what 2 weeks would do to my homeschooling schedule? Knock it completely out of whack and put us off track for the year. She doesn't care about that, she wants to come in April. I said no, later. "No. I know you don't want me there." :roll:

If she's actually talking to me without alternating pitiful and icy tones by April it'll be nothing short of a miracle.
alliesmama4
Posts: 8591
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:10 pm
Location: Southern IL

Re: Sandi's 2018 Miserly Minimal Expense Journal

Post by alliesmama4 »

SandiSAHM wrote: Sun Feb 18, 2018 7:43 pm She goes through a cycle where she offers something, no strings attached, but you'd be a total fool to take it, because there ARE MOST DEFINITELY STRINGS. "But you can use it!" Yeah, but it's not worth the 'cost' even when it's 'free.' Boy that makes her mad, because if I won't take anything, she has no leverage.

She also has this thing where she goes home (Europe) once a year. HAS TO BE SEPTEMBER. Why? Weather. Any later it's too cold, any sooner there might be a heatwave (no air conditioning in Normandy), and even after 40+ years in the oven that NC summers can be, she'll melt in a French heatwave.

All well and fine, but she also wants to come here, to see my kids. June or July, Mom. "No, April." No, June, July, or August. She wants a minimum of 2 wks stay. Do you know what 2 weeks would do to my homeschooling schedule? Knock it completely out of whack and put us off track for the year. She doesn't care about that, she wants to come in April. I said no, later. "No. I know you don't want me there." :roll:

If she's actually talking to me without alternating pitiful and icy tones by April it'll be nothing short of a miracle.
I feel sorry for what you are going through. It is never easy dealing with a parent. Not sure if you Mom was like my Mom.. She was an orphan by the age of 10 and was raised by a wicket Step mother who was also her Aunt.. My grandfather had married sisters. After his wife died, my Mom's Mom, he married her sister. Anyway all she knew was chaos.. I read a story about a woman and she realized after being in therapy that she created chaos because that was something that she had grown up in due to an alcoholic father. My Mom was the same way.. If things were going well she would create chaos.. Sad! I hope you can work through things with your Mom but most likely she will continue as she is doing.. Good luck. Janet Alliesmama
Janet Alliesmama
SandiSAHM
Posts: 2260
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:46 am
Location: Oklahoma

Re: Sandi's 2018 Miserly Minimal Expense Journal

Post by SandiSAHM »

I have empathy for her upbringing - her very early years were in Nazi occupied France, her dad was a POW who was mentally and physically affected, she was the invisible kid while her little sister, a post-war baby, was doted on (and is still a spoiled self-centered mess). She hated my dad but chose him because it was an escape as far from home as she was likely to get. You make your choices, then you live with them. You don't gripe about things you chose NOT to fix. She didn't divorce him because she wanted the security of his multiple retirements. Even tried to get agent orange $$ because he died of cancer. He spent minimal time in Vietnam, smoked like a chimney for nearly 70 years, his cancer was the 2nd most prevalent among smokers, and she thought the government was going to look at his history and think oh, yeah, must have been the chemicals in 'nam. I asked her what she was thinking, she said it was worth a try.

I can't get around the mindset, so I live far away. She could CHOOSE to be consistently loving, at her age there's not much to be gained otherwise because I don't trust her to not say something hateful to my kids. Because they're MY kids, and just like me, they're related to my father, so they must be horrible. She needs a shrink, but doesn't see that.

Day 19. RAINING, with thunder. Those groceries can wait. 4 of 19 = 21%
alliesmama4
Posts: 8591
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:10 pm
Location: Southern IL

Re: Sandi's 2018 Miserly Minimal Expense Journal

Post by alliesmama4 »

SandiSAHM wrote: Mon Feb 19, 2018 10:26 am I have empathy for her upbringing - her very early years were in Nazi occupied France, her dad was a POW who was mentally and physically affected, she was the invisible kid while her little sister, a post-war baby, was doted on (and is still a spoiled self-centered mess). She hated my dad but chose him because it was an escape as far from home as she was likely to get. You make your choices, then you live with them. You don't gripe about things you chose NOT to fix. She didn't divorce him because she wanted the security of his multiple retirements. Even tried to get agent orange $$ because he died of cancer. He spent minimal time in Vietnam, smoked like a chimney for nearly 70 years, his cancer was the 2nd most prevalent among smokers, and she thought the government was going to look at his history and think oh, yeah, must have been the chemicals in 'nam. I asked her what she was thinking, she said it was worth a try.

I can't get around the mindset, so I live far away. She could CHOOSE to be consistently loving, at her age there's not much to be gained otherwise because I don't trust her to not say something hateful to my kids. Because they're MY kids, and just like me, they're related to my father, so they must be horrible. She needs a shrink, but doesn't see that.

Day 19. RAINING, with thunder. Those groceries can wait. 4 of 19 = 21%
Your Mom had a sad childhood and life.. So many people have had to deal with horrible things too but they work to overcome them. We have a local man who was a child in the death camp at Auschwitz. He came to this country as a poor immigrant. Not sure how he got his start but he has a construction company and has donated millions of dollars to local needs. Am entire floor at a Catholic hospital. He is Jewish by the way but has done a lot for the Catholic nus in our town. . A wing at a local college.. When the local Catholic hospital was sold and the nuns had no where to go he provided 4 apartments,for free, to the 4 younger nuns who were still out in the community working.. the list goes on.. How someone can come from being in a death camp to such a successful life is amazing. It is hard to understand.. For some reason my Mom would single someone out of the herd to constantly pick up. then after a while that person or grandchild would be dropped and then someone else picked. She went to her grave not wanting to see or speak to her oldest daughter. How does one do that? I sympathize with you and agree you need to think of your children and yourself first. At her age she is not going to change. So sad..
Janet Alliesmama
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