Thank you for sharing, and for sharing your thought progress.chocolite wrote: ↑Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:23 am Morning y'all --- I am, finally, back in the land of the living. We got hit with the nastiest stomach bug ever. First DH had it, then when he was on the mend, I woke up on Thursday night a week ago with it. We both missed three days of work. I went back Weds, but it was probably one day too soon as I felt horrible. Thursday was better and yesterday was "more better."
I've pretty much been reeling since my appointment with the neurosurgeon. He did not give me good news and only two options: 1. don't have surgery, learn to live with the cane, and risk eventual nerve damage and loss of function in my left leg. 2. have fusion surgery and risk having another spinal fluid leak (happened during my first back surgery 5 years ago and apparently did not heal well). He said my chances are pretty much 50/50 to have it occur again. Best case scenario is an extended hospital stay flat on my back and hope my body does a better job of sealing off the leak than it did the last time. Worst: spinal meningitis.
I have been worrying over this and trying to make up my mind one way or the other. My natural inclination is to have the surgery and try for the best possible outcome. But I gotta say...my track record when it comes to surgery pretty much sucks. There are always some weird complications with me. Ugh. My last back surgery was not a very good outcome. Besides the spinal fluid leak, I ended up with nerve damage down the back of my right leg, and it took me a full YEAR before I went back to work part-time. And now I'm five years older and not in a good place - emotionally or physically. I feel worn down, exhausted.
So then I will think, you know what, I guess I can live with the cane. Usually, I don't need it inside the house/office; it's mostly whenever I have a step/curb or uneven surface to navigate. I'm mostly healed up from my last fall, and if I can just be more careful, maybe I can keep it from happening again. But then, I woke up a few mornings ago with the piercing thought that I'LL NEVER WALK ON THE BEACH AGAIN. That made me cry because I cannot imagine that. And just like that, I was back on the surgery bandwagon.
So ...... (sorry for this long saga, please feel free to stop reading if you get tired of it...maybe you already have, which is perfectly understandable. The funny thing is, I think it is helping me just writing all this down) ...... Anyway, I think I have come up with a plan. I see the neurosurgeon again next week so he can do more tests and we can talk again. I've decided I'm going to ask him if he thinks I can put this off for 6 months or so without risking permanent nerve damage. I need to take a breath. I need to get some mental health counseling to get my head right. I need to continue losing weight. I want to check into water aerobics classes and see if I can start doing that. I need to work on myself and see if I can get myself into a healthier place in every aspect of my life. Then, I think I could face surgery with more peace.
Okay. I feel better.
I think that your idea of building strength is a good one.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Do know that you will make the best decision for you and your family.
IC