If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

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ohjodi
Posts: 1444
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 3:57 pm

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by ohjodi »

clemencia2us wrote: Sat Oct 20, 2018 2:17 pm OhJodi - she rarely declines.

The thing is that some people in our little group think we should stop asking her.

That she should stay at home 24/7 with her ill spouse.

I just think that we should give her the option. She does go out and do things with others and then they just tsk, tsk, tsk. :lol:
Sorry, I misunderstood.....I thought she was declining.

In that case, I think it's absurd that anyone would think they should NOT invite her out. What is THAT about? Do they act more concerned about the husband being alone or without her, or that it's her duty for HER to be with him all the time. Could they otherwise dislike her, somewhat, and are dreaming up a reason to exclude her? If they're so concerned, they should go sit with the husband while she goes out with the rest of you. If they won't do that, then IMO they're just making an excuse to exclude her.

Keep inviting her.

The others may find themselves in her shoes one day, and I doubt they will want to stay in the house 24/7.

Sheesh.
ohjodi
jckitty
Posts: 3400
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:55 pm

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by jckitty »

Sounds like they are projecting a martyr complex on to her...she should do as she pleases and hopefully they will find something else to grump about.
JCKitty
clemencia2us
Posts: 11446
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:21 am

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by clemencia2us »

jckitty wrote: Sat Oct 20, 2018 7:38 pm Sounds like they are projecting a martyr complex on to her...she should do as she pleases and hopefully they will find something else to grump about.
JCKitty
That is my thinking - the old way of doing things. The wife was basically a second or third class citizen!

If that is what you want to do - fine. And if your spouse wants you to be there with him - try your best to fulfill his wishes. But if he is okay with you taking some time away from this - please take a break.
colonialgirl
Posts: 1835
Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2015 2:01 am
Location: Central Illinois

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by colonialgirl »

You have gotten a lot of great advice Clem and I agree with what folks have said. But I think you should tell your sibling to go piss up a rope. They always seem to be critical of every decision you make. Maybe you should go out with your friend alone instead.
Dgflorida
Posts: 4381
Joined: Wed Oct 07, 2015 8:10 pm

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by Dgflorida »

A good question Clem. Interesting answers. I agree with those suggesting you continue to invite her out. There are a lot of judgmental people around, people who have never walked in those shoes. Kindness to others is always right. My son said I shouldn't travel while hubs was in poor health. What if he has a heart attack while I am gone? I said what if he has one while I am shopping? Caregiving is very lonely. Your offer can make it less terrible. Thank you for caring about another human being enough to offer a release from the loneliness.
rinty
Posts: 1919
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:54 am

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by rinty »

clemencia2us wrote: Sat Oct 20, 2018 10:50 am Do you still like to go out and do things out of the house?

Do you get mad if your friends or family invite you to go places? Do you feel they are not acknowledging your situation?

I ask this because a sibling insists i stop inviting a friend to go do things with us. She thinks i am cold-hearted and should encourage her to never leave her husband's side.

I told her, if she doesn't want to go or can't go, just say no thanks. What is so hard about that? Give her the opportunity to make the choice? I think if you don't ask if they want to go somewhere, seems like you are abandoning the freindship. What is cold hearted about that? I see it as practical. :roll:

Def keep asking ! even if she says no, she will feel all warm and fuzzy cos she is still being invited, shes still part of the group.
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