If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

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clemencia2us
Posts: 11447
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:21 am

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by clemencia2us »

I understand that there are some spouses that will never leave their spouses side.

But not all are like that. Some need a break.
ohjodi
Posts: 1444
Joined: Sun Aug 30, 2015 3:57 pm

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by ohjodi »

I think you should invite her, but find out for sure why she is always declining. If she really can't leave her husband for an hour or so, go visit her, instead. Bring some pastry, and some soup she can have later.

Maybe she gets behind in housekeeping and feels she can't leave because she needs that time to catch up and do laundry or dishes or cleaning. Offer to help fold clothes or change the beds while visiting. Vacuum her floors. Clean her bathtub.

Find out if she's getting any help at all, whether from visiting aides or other friends and family. Maybe she needs help changing her husband's bed. Is it hard for her to grocery shop. Offer to sit with her husband while she shops, or ask if you can bring her anything she needs when you go visit.

Offer to pick up books and movies from the library for her, if that's something she'd like. Show her how to use inter-library loan at her library's website, or she can call the library and request items.

Organize your group of friends to schedule a monthly visit, with one or two people for each week. Each would then be visiting her once per month. They could also bring her one casserole or soup each month. Bring her a crossword puzzle book, your magazine issues, or something else she's interested in.

And don't forget the husband. Find out what he's capable of doing, and help him along.....puzzle books, magazines, if he likes to listen to CD's find out what kind, and then pick up a Johnny Cash CD at the thrift store.

Being stuck in the house with an ill spouse can really drive a person to depression or even a bit of nuttiness. Her group of friends should easily be able to commit to spending two hours a month with her, and five bucks to bring her some nice food or other things she could enjoy.

And keep inviting her out if it IS possible for her to come along......she might muster up the ability to do so if she gets a handle on things at home, and feels better, with the help of her friends.

Also.....if she's a person who likes to go to church, or some other gathering or meeting, but is unable to do so, try to arrange it so she can if someone sits with her husband at that time.
ohjodi
clemencia2us
Posts: 11447
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:21 am

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by clemencia2us »

OhJodi - she rarely declines.

The thing is that some people in our little group think we should stop asking her.

That she should stay at home 24/7 with her ill spouse.

I just think that we should give her the option. She does go out and do things with others and then they just tsk, tsk, tsk. :lol:
littlemiss63
Posts: 2516
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:11 pm
Location: Middle Tennessee

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by littlemiss63 »

clemencia2us wrote: Sat Oct 20, 2018 10:50 am Do you still like to go out and do things out of the house?

Do you get mad if your friends or family invite you to go places? Do you feel they are not acknowledging your situation?

I ask this because a sibling insists i stop inviting a friend to go do things with us. She thinks i am cold-hearted and should encourage her to never leave her husband's side.

I told her, if she doesn't want to go or can't go, just say no thanks. What is so hard about that? Give her the opportunity to make the choice? I think if you don't ask if they want to go somewhere, seems like you are abandoning the freindship. What is cold hearted about that? I see it as practical. :roll:
Clem, I took care of a sick husband and there were days that I could leave him and days I couldn't. It always warmed my heart when a friend asked me to join them and if I could go I said yes and if I couldn't I didn't. I can tell you right now, caregivers need to take a break, it makes them better caregivers when they do.

My husband was one of those people that encouraged me to get out of the house. I was lucky living close to our daughter as I could could call her and she'd come spend the afternoon with her Dad. Those special days got me through some tough times. Not cold hearted at all.
BevMoore
Posts: 1012
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:04 pm

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by BevMoore »

One of the reasons I started doing some part time yard duty while my mom was here was because I needed those breaks. And breaks with my friends also. Caregiving is hard!

Bev
clemencia2us
Posts: 11447
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:21 am

Re: If you have an ill or semi invalid partner, husband, spouse etc

Post by clemencia2us »

He gets regular visits from his one daughter and grandkids.

He has sons, but they are estranged. The sons of the sons do come by though. They will take him fishing and on other outings. It is easier for them to maneuver him around.
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